Sit, Parker, Sit

These next four were all okay, and I enjoyed reading them, but none were spectacular.Sit, Ubu, Sit: How I went from Brooklyn to Hollywood with the Same Woman, the Same Dog, and a Lot Less Hair by Gary David Goldberg. If like me you like to know obscure trivia about pop culture then you will love this book. Goldberg has been the producer/creator of several television shows (like Family Ties and Spin City), and this book reveals a lot of the back story. If you are not into that then I guess this book will be too much fluff for you.

As far as Nigerian fiction goes this is the best thing I have ever read, it is also the only thing I have ever read. It is part of my sustained effort to read more foreign fiction and overall I liked it, but I have a hard time seeing its mass appeal. Graceland by Chris Abani is the story of a young man named Elvis growing up in strife torn Nigeria and how he comes to terms with what it means to be a man and his relationship to his father and his culture.
Michael Gates Gill used to be somebody and he used to know people. He gives the impression he used to know everybody who was anybody, but I have the feeling he listed just about everyone he had ever met of note in this short book. He is also scared of black people, but he finds it can be okay to work with them and for them. And before I forget, I think he really loves Starbucks. None of this I will still respect you in the morning stuff, he wants to walk her up the aisle love. Even with these flaws I liked How Starbucks Saved My Life because of its central message. Happiness does not come from money, rather it comes from solid honest work that you love. If you have that the material things of this world really do not matter.
Last but not least I read an Oprah book. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides won the Pulitzer Prize and was a very engaging read. It is the story of an Intersex young woman who learns as a teen she really is a young man. But it is also a interesting multi generational Greek family drama. It also tries to be a short history of Detroit and its growing pains as a city. My problem is this, it never fully develops any of the three story lines to my satisfaction. I was left wanting to know more on all three avenues. To its credit, what it does tell is extremely fascinating and well worth the time to read. **NOTE: I read this after watching (yes I know) Oprah interview the author and several Intersex people.

FWIW - another penny - grand total 66 cents

Yeah, This is how my life goes

Great time finding money. I came across a quarter, a dime, and three more pennies over the last few weeks. My grand total is up to 65 cents.

Then Zeke comes home the other day.

HEY! I just found a twenty dollar bill!

Damn kids..

Coming Soon: The Bet

During a discussion at lunch today, and by discussion I mean Lisa telling me I eat like crap, a interesting wager came up. For our last year before forty we have a challenge coming up between us that will involve a bikini and a pair of these:
Of course it may look a little more like one of these:

Actually this is a photograph of our Ward's new Elder's Quorum Presidency - Shawn, Myself, and third party not yet named until this Sunday.

Anyways I think I can safely say I have finally updated the blog. Only thing I have left out was my birthday yesterday - the almost big 39. Old next year.

Gunnar: Boy Genius

Lisa takes the kids clothing shopping and has let Gunnar pick up the one or two things he needs for school without much direct supervision. She has the other 4 to deal with.
Gunnar: On pant sizes the waist measurement comes first, right?
Lisa: What?
Gunnar: On pants, the first number is the waist and the second is the leg?
Lisa: Yes, that is right.

Much later at home Lisa asks to see the pants he got, but she couldn't because he had bought
SHORTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lisa: Why were you asking about the measurements?
Gunnar: Because these are Men's 32 by 34s
Lisa: What (looks at tag), these are MEDIUM 32-34 waist.

Gunnar thought they gave what the leg length would be if they were pants, and then just cut them off. Anotherwords, the 34 let him know that they would be an appropriate length short for a guy with 34" inseam.

God bless him, he is the future. And as always be jealous with your below average children.

Conversations with Qatar

At the bank with Lisa:
Qatar: What are those boxes back there?
Lisa: They are safe deposit boxes.
Qatar: What are they for?
Lisa: People put their valuable stuff in them and then come visit it.
Qatar (incredulously) to the teller that has just returned: My mom says people put their stuff in those boxes in back and then come visit it.
Teller (confused): um, yes.
Qatar (almost laughing): What do they do, give them names and check up on them? How have you been Betty the necklace, everything okay? He goes on like this is the silliest thing he has ever heard.
Teller: I have never quite heard it explained that way before.

I suggested later that Qatar is old enough for a little Bourne.

That movie as well as being awesome, will teach him what a safe deposit box is for.

Three More Humour Books - and yer out!

Tried three more new authors (new to me) who write humourous fiction. If I am lucky I will get a whole new backlist to work through. If not, well maybe the obscure information will win me a trivia contest one day.
Cassandra French's Finishing School for Boys had so much promise but ultimately didn't deliver. Young female lawyer kidnaps men who have been rude to her and then locks them in her basement to re-educate them. Her goal is to make them perfect gentlemen that will make women happy. Lessons include recognizing fashion by designer, relieving stress by singing into a hairbrush, and how to understand what a women is really saying when she talks. Throw in a murder (WHY?) and some vicious dogs (again WHY?) and the story goes off track. It wasn't even remotely dirty, and with a cover like that you thought it just might have been its saving grace. I probably will try one more of his backlist, because a T-Rex police detective is a premise I have to see.
The book blurb compared it to Douglas Adams and they were right, just not as good. Frogs from space settled the earth and eventually abandon it to their pet apes. Unfortunately one of genius frogs is using the earth as his play place in Falling Sideways. One good thing was how he tied in the story of a princess kissing a frog.
Lastly I read The High Impact Infidelity Diet. This gem is a quick read and details three couples wherein the wife is dealing with an obese husband. They promise them if they can get down to under 210 pounds (they all start at over 300) they can individually spend a night with a beautiful hooker one of the wives knows. This was made into a movie by Warner brothers in 2006 and it was so good they have decided not to release it until has finely aged like cheese.

Harry Potter gets Hard, and the Girls Love It

Yes, I am immature enough to think myself clever for that title.

So I read them and enjoyed them. Unlike the Harry Potter series, I do not believe I will revisit them and I was quite content to wait my turn to get the latest book. It is not as if I went totally Nichole or something. My get up was much more muted and dignified.
To be fair, as a Mama Mia enjoyer, I am only a tangent target audience.

Catharsis ain't just a river in Greece

Most of you probably grew up watching and enjoying the Richmeister starting inane conversations with his coworkers as they tried to make copies. As great as that was, having one in your actual office, sitting next to your actual copier, starting even more pointless conversations is one of the most bloody annoying things in the world.

Women in her forties, talks in a high pitched baby voice, talks at a volume any normal person would only use to get someone's attention half a dozen cubicles away, always talking about herself, and top it off with the most incessant. pointless laugh ever heard. Imagine a pressure cooker with nervous laughs contained in it. The pressure gets to much and little forced giggles get released, ALL THE BLOODY TIME!! And she is laughing at things only she and maybe Golden Oldies radio show hosts find funny.

Talking out loud to herself (in high pitch sing song): "That's me. I get it done. I'm thorough. Thorough, thorough, thorough. Hey, I am a thoroughbred. The Kentucky Derby!"

Everytime you get close to her she starts making out-loud open ended statements just hoping you will engage her in conversation. I am actually walking to the other copier in the building just to avoid it. If you do talk she will begin saying Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah repeatedly.

Okay, I feel better. We did pass on this story and hoped for the best.

TREET: My sonambulism is out of control

Every day when I go to work I have several emails which supposedly I sent, which purport to contain XXX videos of Angelina Jolie or Paris Hilton. I have yet to open one, but I know how stubborn I can be. Eventually I will wear myself down.

Other junk emails I have received subject lines:
Bush finally reads job description.
Iran kicks America in the nuts.
Madonna's home destroyed by Jesus.
McCain vows to replace the secret service with his own bare fist.
Scientists warn of new global luke warming trend.
Heather to have other leg removed (ed: more sympathy for DWTS I guess)
AL Qaeda reports revenues declining n fiscal 2008
John McCain: I promise to invade your vaginas.
Martian soil fantastic for growing weed says NASA.

And the one I was almost tempted to open because it was hitting humor on so many levels.

Attack of the Zombie Negroes: Dick Cheney

*In my parts we call junk emails TREET out of respect.

HOLY BUTTMUNCH!!

I know some people have new post links in their sidebars, so I thought it was a great opportunity to have the word buttmunch posted there. Juvenile, but it makes me laugh.

Believe it or not but trade restrictions on South American beef is killing me at work. By the time I get home everyday it is all I can do to make it to bed. Tomorrow I hope to get up early to post a few things; like a few book reviews and the female Rob Schneider we have at work.

Dirty Quotes Out of Context

Qatar: There is a certain spot on Parker that if you rub his tongue will hang out and his leg will twitch.

I just heard Vanessa say that same thing about Eric the other day.

A Certain Chemistry

Mil Millington is more well known for his web-site detailing all the things he and his girlfriend Margaret have fought about. This is his attempt at fiction and while overall it was a weak book, parts of it did make me laugh out loud. To me the funny bits made it worth the read.

"What do you want for your special 29th birthday anyway?"
"Something I'll remember."
"What? Like a damn good beating, you mean?"

A Certain Chemistry by Mil Millington

A little tired

Our Relay for Life event was last weekend. Our team headed up by Renee managed to collect $5000, so thanks to all of you who helped out.
I started walking/jogging at midnight and went all through the night. In the end I managed 30 laps of the .88 mile course. That is 26.4 miles, or just slightly over a marathon. It just goes to show that finishing a marathon is not really that big of a deal as I managed it without any training at all (running wise that is). Now running a marathon well, that is something.
I ended up with a slightly swollen left ankle which is already clearing up, and a tremendous blister on my little toe of my right foot.

Start the Speculating Round 2

Last time a councilor wanted to see me after church**. This time the man himself is coming to my house before church.

Again I really, really screwed up (I heard you attended Mamma Mia and liked it!) or I have done something good (nice front squats the other day).

**If you remember it was like Joey picking up women on Friends:
Him: How you doing?
Me: Okay I guess
Him: That's it. See you later.

Kind of a let down. BTW the above picture is an exact twin of our counselor.

Exercise Update

After listening to interviews with Dan John and Robert Dos Remedios I decided to switch over to front instead of back squats. Heck, even he of it is always a good time to remove your shirt advocates them.

I thought I would be conservative with an opening weight because I knew it would be considerably less than the back squats. So I threw on a couple of plates (135 pounds) for a set of five to see how that felt. OMG, I found out pretty quick that 135 was far from easy, in fact I stayed there for my entire series. I did 4 sets of 5 and I am two days out and my thighs are still sore. Plus my delts are tender to the touch, but at least they are not bruised.

This morning was deads (sets at 135, 225x2, 245x2, 265), rows (50, 55, 60, 65x2), and overhead dumbbell press (40, both single arm and double). I tend to only push one thing in my workouts and this morning was deads. I am working on my rows because after talking with Karl a few weeks ago I realized I was going a little light. I still haven’t found the right weight yet, but I am guessing I would max out around 85 or so. I am ready to push my main sets on deads to 245 with higher singles at the end every couple weeks (currently I do a lot of 5x5 at 225). My goal right now is to pull 315 and then ultimately 405. Currently my single pr is 300 pounds.