Monday, December 24, 2007

Great Quotes Out of Context

“I am not comfortable getting on my knees and having a strange man put something on my tongue.”

This of course was Lisa talking about going to Midnight Mass tonight at the local Catholic Church (they do a good show). Last year she stayed in her seat and everyone in her row had to step over her to get to communion. She thought this year she would just walk the circle with her row but decline the communion. I said she should try the wafer too which she responded - see above.

Sad News

Despite our repeated attempts at training him (including working with a dog trainer), Turk progressed to biting one of the kids. Qatar ended up with two stitches in his lip, and per Minnesota law Turk was reported to the police. We called the Humane Society and they took him back to be placed with a family without small children. It has been hard having one of our children scarred, and to lose a dog which had become part of the family. While it was an easy and immediate choice to get rid of Turk (even if we had to put him down), it still has an emotional toll on all of us; especially Lisa, Me, and our oldest boys. It hasn’t helped to receive a lot of thoughtless comments from friends and relatives that have totally discounted those feelings. I wish people would think a little more prior to opening their mouths.

While at the emergency room with Qatar I offered him something to read from the stack. His choices were a kid’s book called Puppies, or Reader’s Digest with the cover story about Fatal Hospital Mistakes. He declined both. Then the Doctor came in and scrubbed his hands, and then proceeded to shake mine. Overall the scarring looks like it will be minimal, and Qatar is trying to milk his injury for all it’s worth. Like saying he can’t clean the room because his lip hurts.

When Harry Met Lisa

Lisa is at a group visiting teaching meeting (about 10 of the women all get together and have a dinner with lesson) and one of them is demonstrating a Chi machine. Lisa has quite an exhilarating experience which led Renee to say, “I’ll have what she is having.” These machines have now become the must have Christmas present in our ward.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

My Life

The secretary for my workgroup is retiring on Christmas Day, so we all went to lunch at the Country Club to celebrate. While there, a really old woman wearing huge glasses comes in with some younger gals (younger = 70’s) and sits at the table next to us. The old woman starts staring at me prior to sitting down and says “I know you from somewhere.” I of course say, “Yes Helen, we have been next door neighbors for years.”

Monday, December 17, 2007

Moments with JT: The Dryer

Prior to church JT finds me and says his polo shirt is wrinkled. Not having time I suggest he throw it in the dryer for 10 minutes. About 10 minutes later I see JT pull his shirt out of the dryer.
Me: JT, did you actually turn the dryer on?
JT: No, I can’t reach the buttons.


Gunnar has his braces off. The best part is he forgot his first appointment and ended up wearing them a week longer than he needed to.

Moments with JT: Captain Underpants

After JT’s bath he came downstairs wearing 15 pairs of underwear. After prancing around he demonstrates the utility of this by banging himself in the crotch with no effect.

The Trouble with Family

I live in the same ward as my In-Laws as well as my Brother in Law(with his family), my wife’s Cousin (and his family), my wife’s Aunt, and another family who is distantly related (let’s hear it for genealogy). Normally this is a good thing and being we are a very small ward we can control public policy :-)
Now earlier this year my Brother in Law was called to be in the Bishopric, and with that he has the responsibility of finding speakers each week. I got to speak yesterday, and that was the 3rd time in 5 months. I don’t mind it so much, but I feel sorry for the audience.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

My Life 2

I have been growing a beard for about two weeks, and given that I need a shave by the end of days I do shave, it is pretty obvious I have a beard going on. So I am at the urinal at work when another guy starts using the one next to me. He feels the need to fill the silence with idle chatter, which is a whole topic in and of itself. But he says "You growing a beard?" What do you say to that?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Conversations With JT

Lisa, taking our sheets to the washing machine.

JT asks, "Mom, why are you washing your sheets, did you wet your bed last night?"

Almost a Miracle

You know when people find images of the Saviour or the Virgin Mary in their toast, it immediately becomes a worldwide news story. Last night I was shoveling out the plowed in driveway and a 3 foot tall chunk came out as an exact replica of the State of Illinois! I carried it into the house for Lisa to get a picture, but she was both unimpressed and without camera. That’s okay I guess as I am not sure of the shrine possibilities of a frozen Illinois.

The Rumors Are True

After saving three years to get a new TV, well we saved one year but I been asking for three, we finally purchased a 42 inch LCD – very nice. Anyways, people have been telling me that with a digital TV you pick up a lot more stations through your cable, including adult entertainment. So I spend a whole Saturday hooking it up (wall mount and such) and start the channel search process. So we went from 22 to 76 stations, granted most of them are just music feeds. But at the tail end of the spectrum we have all the on demand stations, and the funny thing is we pick up what other people are ordering. So at any given time we are receiving upwards of a dozen movie feeds, most being innocuous, but yes, they are the occasional mature selections playing as well. Luckily our TIVO is older and filter’s out all the digital choices, but we will have to figure something out before our older boys figure something out.

My Life

I am at the church Christmas party when a woman comes over to my table and asks me, “Did you bring the balls?” I considered all the responses I could have made (well I did bring myself and the four boys), but chose to be semi-mature about it. She of course was talking about the matzo balls from the potluck.

Shallowness of my Goals

I see a coworker at the gym and after a brief conversation he asked me if “I was training for something.” I replied I was just trying to look good naked, but don’t worry I won’t share that with you when I reach it.

I have switched back over to strength and mass building again. Today it was bench (3x5x165), lat pull downs (3x5x150W, 1x5x170N, 1x5x190N), and Deads (3x5x225, 1x2x245). I also did some shrugs, deltoid side raises, and dips, plus those thigh machines women do (I was killing time waiting for Lisa to get out of Yoga). I finished with 15 minutes on the treadmill at 10 minute pace. Great work out.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

It's Only Fair

If Spouse A comes home for lunch, and during their limited time have to let the dogs out, proceed to slip on the steps because they were not shoveled correctly, then shovel the steps out in the cold; all because Spouse B is still in their pajamas, wrapped up in a blanket, sitting on the couch watching TV and didn't do it themselves because they do not want to be cold -

Is it Spouse A's God given right to warm up their freezing hands by jamming them inside of said Spouse B's pajamas?

I won't tell you who is who in this story, but let's just say Lisa and I disagree on this.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Impending Doom

Last Christmas was a wonderful day spent in a dehydrated coma only punctuated by the projectile puking. Now here it is 3 weeks away and already the 48 hour puking flu is making the rounds here in town, with several close relatives having come down with it. It is stalking me.

You Make the Call

Lisa is trying to get the walks clear and is looking for salt. She doesn’t find any and is going to wait for me to pick some up. She gets the distinct impression to check out the basement. Now we live in a very old house and the basement is unfinished, so the chance of finding any salt is zero. Walking away she definitely feels the need again to go to the basement. So she goes and finds ????

Well it wasn’t salt. Rather she finds a small but steady spray of water coming from a cracked water pipe coupling. I get home a few minutes later and turn the water off. After a few hours, a visit from the plumber, and $70, we are once again in good working order. That, like the JT incident, could have been a lot worse.

Winter in Minnesota

Driving some kids to early morning seminary I see a car run a fresh red light with a cop sitting right there. Given the time of day and the temperature the cop did not pursue. The next day at the convenience store an old woman almost backs into another car. Luckily one of the two cops who where there to get coffee starting honking his horn really loudly. The cop said he was worried it was going to happen with him there and he would have to get out and write a report.

Take away message – It’s COLD.

Funny because it is True

From the December 2007 US Food Labeling Law Newsletter (I am sure most of you are subscribers) we get this gem of a headline.

FDA Takes HARD Stance Against ED Supplement Maker

BTW, if you have any True Man Sexual Energy products, rest assure they work, but they are not natural. They are actually analogs of commonly known name brand ED drugs. Consequently they are being recalled.

Monday, December 3, 2007

From a Mind of a Genius

Zeke used the expression “I have to take a smell” when he needed to pass gas. It has caught on family wide.

Snow Day

Is it wrong to feel happy when church is cancelled for a snow day? It is all very exciting for me; and I wanted to let the kids get dressed all the way because they can use the practice, but Lisa said no.

Anyways, I sent out an email to a lot of members of the Ward today as if it was sent by the Bishop stating the following: Due to church being cancelled yesterday because of the weather, the Stake President has informed me that we need to make that day up prior to the next General Conference in April. Thus I have decided to hold an extra Sacrament meeting on Saturday March 1, 2008. Please make yourself available to attend at the normal time. If we do not achieve 80% attendance for this meeting it will not count as a make-up day. Fortunately, we are not required to have Sunday School or Priesthood/Relief Society that day.

Thank You for your continued support,


I mainly just amuse myself; a self amuser so to speak.