Things I liked this week

Imagine my brother-in-law, because this joke is funnier if you imagine it happening to him.

Steve (checking into a hotel on a business trip): I hope the porn in my room is disabled.

Check-in clerk: No, it's regular porn you sick pervert.

HA!



So Lisa and I were talking about the kids the other day, about how well they seem to fit in at school. They stand out because of their unusual names, but it works for them. Then she said this:

Lisa: Naming them (the oldest two) Gunnar and Qatar really worked out well. At least we didn't give them a boring name like Joe.

Yeah, that's what she said. So I replied:
"Like our other son, Joe?"

Because like a lot of you, Lisa forgot her own son JT, where the J stands for Joseph.

What an excellent mother.



I found my first penny of the season (i.e. the snow has melted).

Overheard the following from Qatar: "That is what I hate, Chinese people all look like women."

I think it has something to do with pokemon.

And finally I saw this cartoon on the internets this week.



And while it is funny on its own, it is bloody HILARIOUS when your oldest son has a good friend named Rex. I made sure I got him a copy to put on his wall immediately.

Shorts

Helping Cenny with her spelling words: SEQUENCE
Me: That is when something is in a special or particular order, like 1, 2, 3, etc,
Somebody Else: Or like the shiny things you sew on clothes.

Flatulence expert defines 'normal' output rate
That was the headline for a Canadian TV story. Open apology to my sons, I didn't realize that you could make a career out of it.

Why do church leaders constantly have to over sell meetings. We have Stake Conference tonight and they have been billing it for weeks as the most HISTORIC CONFERENCE LIKE EVER!!!! It is the religious equivalent of a tractor pull add on the radio. Unless we are cutting down to two hours or getting tithing discounts for having more than four kids, it probably isn't historic. All it does is undermine your credibility. Outside guess is they are cutting off one of the outside wards for another stake, but that isn't really historic. (Un)fortunately, due to Lisa cutting out I have all the kids and will not be attending.



Of course this place will be one of the highlights of our Iceland vacation in June. Read the article to get more background.

And finally, we have this article where a judge ruled that pole dancing is in fact art, and thus qualifies for a tax exemption. How did he do it? Through hours of watching DVD's of pole dancing. I bet the judge had a hard time (HA!) making that decision - "I need more footage (HA HA!!) of the dancers." But the best part is this quote from the lawyer for the Nite Moves dance club and Utah ACLU member (HA H - well you get it, the puns write themselves here) wherein he compares Erotic Dancing with LDS Temples. Here is the quote:
Nite Moves' lawyer, Andrew McCullough, is a Mormon and a board member of the Utah chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union. He told the New York Law Journal he sees similarities between objections to strip clubs and new Mormon temples.
“They say, 'It's lights, it's traffic, it's noise,' ” he said. “But what they really mean is, 'We don't like your kind.' ”


Awesome, just awesome.

Please Note - Shorts are just that, short little happenings or news items too short for their own post.

Short Cuts

I have a coworker named Rae Dawn, and on the way home I heard the most interesting commercial. Apparently she is one of the most prolific silent killers in America and I should watch out. Amazing the things I don’t know, I mean, she doesn’t even look like a ninja.

I go to the store to make a small beverage purchase and pick up my coat from the dry cleaning desk – but it turns out I forgot my wallet at home. When the stores insist on cash now for your purchases, well, Al Queda has won.

Only funny for LDS members. A young man in the ward starts to bless the water, too bad we were on the bread. He catches his mistake halfway through, stops, and says into the microphone “Sorry, My Bad.”