Conversations with JT

ON the way to get a haircut for JT and Qatar we have the following conversation.

Qatar: Next year when Gunnar is gone (college) I will get to move downstairs to his room.

Me: We might get a foreign Exchange Student.

Qatar: (Excitedly) A Girl

Me: Why would that matter?

(Now you have to imagine this in the Style of Tom Haverford, because I swear to God that that character is based on JT)

JT: It has to be a HOT girl (wait three beats) so we can all enjoy her.

Why JT is Awesome

So the conversation at my house the other day was between me and my older kids about future career choices. The old “What do you want to be when you grow up” talk. JT walks though the room and let’s know what his plans are too.

JT: So I want to be in the Army.

ME: That is a great plan if you want to do it. The Army can be a good life.

JT: Or I want to be in the Police:

ME: You mean?

JT: No, No, I mean

ME: Another excellent career path. Seeing a pattern forming I also suggest that he could be a Police Officer in the Army.

I thought we were done when

JT: Or … I want to work at the House of Bounce.

ME: JT, this is exactly why you are Awesome!

You can call me Hay Bale

The Set Up:

JT has been JT his whole life (Jay Tee) though his actual name is Joseph Talmage.

The Pay Off:

I was reading with Cenny the other day, or rather Cenny was reading aloud to me when the character in the book said: "My name is Alexander, but you can call me Al."

Except Cenny didn't say Al (rhymes with Pal), she said AL (rhymes with Hay Bale).

This make me happy, and I might have to call Cenny Hay Bale from now on. It's a pretty good nickname.**

**yes, I am proud of the correct usage of It's versus Its

Family Fun

We went to the pumpkin patch for an afternoon of family fun.

It was all slides, corn mazes, and other hands on entertainment.

I did manage to catch this image.

It seems I was the only one bothered/amused by this odd juxtaposition of images.

On Gender and Sexuality

Re: Why JT is Awesome

So Lisa has outgrown her little weight set but we are not quite ready for the big stuff yet. So while perusing the on-line bulletin board at work I saw a Bowflex for $250 and I snapped it up. After getting it set up in the dining room (yes, the dining room. Lisa is so dedicated she packed the table off to the basement) we began reading the manuals. Of course they have a very well-built shirtless young man working out with the machine in all the demonstration pictures.

Me to Lisa: Hey, that guy looks just like me. We could be twins.
JT, looking at the manual with Lisa: No Dad, he is much manlier than you.

I Love you too buddy.

Then riding in the car JT hears Bonnie talking with Lisa about going out with her girlfriends back in California.

JT: Girlfriends? I didn’t know you were a lesbian.

I do not know the gender of these two, it just was cute and I wanted to use it.

This was quickly followed by a conversation about Bonnie's work as a nurse.

Bonnie: I was dispensing drugs to a patient.

JT: You use drugs too!?!?!?!

Yeah, that’s right JT. Your Aunt Bonnie is a Bisexual Drug Abuser.

The parties must be great!

Giggle Worthy Word of the Day

Manhole!

This word came up today and JT could not stop giggling.

BTW, I thought looking up manhole on google image search was going to be a risky operation, but no, it was perfectly harmless.

Honey I think I missed a spot

Nothing will make your evening more than being woken up by a child with explosive and uncontrollable diarrhea. Luckily his room was littered with dirty clothes because that made the clean up a little easier as a lot fell on them. But I still had to strip the bed, pick up the clothes, clean the carpets on the landing (of the stairs) and hallway, and shower the kid. Then I remade the bed and got the laundry started, so all in all a long night – if you don’t count the stress of thinking “Maybe it was something he ate?” Because you know that you and everyone else ate the same thing.
All ended well and he felt better in the morning and nobody else got sick. Then I went into the small bathroom to take a shower before work. Upon shutting the door is when I saw it – the brown smears down its length. Maybe I am a bad man or just a bad father/husband, but I got dressed went downstairs and as I headed out the door said …

I can’t have all the fun; that wouldn’t be fair (or equitable).

Even 1000's of miles away

JT is still awesome.

I guess the kitchen sink backed up and my Mom called the plumber, but not just any plumber, she called what JT believes is the greatest plumber ever. So great that during our Skype phone call he felt the need to yell out the plumber's name every 30 seconds, followed by a fit of giggles.

That's right, he was shouting

DICK'S PLUMBING

He's right, that is pretty funny. Be you 7 or 40.

Dirty Quotes Out of Context

From JT:

I have to help Mason. He is doing his business in our front yard.

Mason being JT's best friend and business being selling gum for charity.

DON'T YOU DARE JT!!!!

Please Note JT FINALLY lost his first tooth (he truly was the last in his class)

JT comes in the house and finds Lisa.

JT: Mom, Mom. A a guy on the street just told me if I give him a dollar I can hit his car with my stick (JT has small tree limb in his hand).

Lisa: NO! Don't you dare JT. You never hit people's cars and it probably isn't his car anyways.

Lisa tells me this when I get home from work, and how disappointed JT was; I share with her what I know.

That's right. The church across the street is running a charity car bash.

Separate note. Last year I found 67 cents on my bike commuting and walks. This year I am up to 9 cents already. Given that my office is having a walking and cycling contest this summer, I have high hopes of beating that number.

BTW, I finally had to replace someting on my bike, so here is some exclusive full-frontal bike porn of my new crank. Oh yeah baby!

If you are not into the close ups, here is a full body shot. Notice that I work at a large corporate headquarters with several hundred employees, most of them working within 5 miles of the office. I am the only one who rides a bike to work in the whole place. The other two bikes (including the sweet bent) are from the night time cleaning crew. That is pretty sad.

He is our smartest

If you have a lot of children I suggest having them all in band or in orchestra, but not both. We have been to four school concerts in the last week alone and it is tiring. Luckily Gunnar has settled on just being in band like Qatar so that is keeping the events down, but we have already told the next three – No String Instruments for you. Cenneidigh wanted a violin but will probably play the flute now (girlie), but I am hoping for the trombone. Have you seen the cost of band instruments lately? We have yet to buy anything for the boys as we just can’t afford it, and that is with being told Gunnar could get a Tuba scholarship for college.

Anyways we are at the middle school band concert and it is a lively affair with guitars and drums in the mix when JT states he wants to play the drums. It was right after the drum solo during Smooth. Well they have a rule in our school system that you cannot play percussion without two years of piano under your belt. Well Lisa relates this to JT because we can’t afford drums or to get him into lessons, but unlike the rest of our children who would have accepted that without pause.

JT says: That is not the law Mom. That is just a school rule. You are allowed to play drums without piano in real life. Now you have to say that with all the “exasperated at the dumbness of your parents” that a 7 year old can generate. I turned to Lisa and ask her to refute our little genius. She can’t and says that is just the way it is JT.
After a few seconds he quietly asks to start piano lessons. Three kids at piano at $18 a lesson with the next two needing to start lessons as well. This innate musical ability our children have – not from us – is killing us slowly.

Why JT is Awesome

Overheard JT yell this out:

I have a Wartortle and I am not afraid to use it!

That just makes me laugh, but like the sad clown I usually laugh alone.

What exactly went on?

JT spends the night at his cousin's house Saturday night and we do not see him until church on Sunday. He states that since the "incident" last night that his butt really hurts. Yes he did use the word incident.

I of course feel compelled to question his Uncle and learn the facts of said incident, especially given the sore butt. It turns out that JT had such a collossal poop that he not only hurt his butt, he clogged the toilet right up. He gets that from his mom's side.

Conversations with JT - Peer Pressure

I am making popcorn with the air popper and JT is eating an apple.

JT: I need to keep eating apples - to get my teeth out.

Me: What??

JT: EVERYONE at school are losing their baby teeth, and I am not. Apples are a good way to get them to come out.

Me: Good Luck with that.

Then we segue automatically to this statement:

JT: Wouldn't be awesome if I put the apple seeds in the air popper and whole apples popped out.

Me: Yes, yes it would.

JT: And it would be cool!

Conversations with JT

Picking JT up at School

Me: JT, you can climb over the snow pile but I have to walk around.
JT: No, I can't go on it.
Me: Why?
JT: the crossing guards will turn you in to the teachers.
Me: Those facist bastards!

Talking with Lisa later

Me: Did you hear about those Nazi's at JT's school; they won't let him on the snow pile.
Lisa: Yeah a few days ago they asked him to get off of it, and he told them he had a 15 year old brother. And then his friend stated that said brother would beat the crossing guards up. So yeah, he is pretty much banned from the snow pile.

So now I am of three minds, sort of upset, sort of proud, and kinda hopeful JT will use the phrase facist bastards correctly one day with an unsuspecting adult.

I am embarrassed for his parents.

I was teaching what would become my last Sunday school lesson when suddenly the door was ripped open. A member of the primary presidency flung a little boy into the room, whispered yelled that "he could sit here until he could be good", and than stomped off. As the door slowly shut and Lisa was gone, and the entire adult class was gazing at poor little JT: I announced that I felt embarrassed for his parents.

Deep Doctrine with JT

JT and I were hanging out at church waiting for the Court of Honor to begin. He notices this painting:JT: When you go to heaven you get to wear flip flops. Cool!

Lest We Forget

Our JT is really bringing the Sexy back!

JT About Town

JT made it into one of the local papers by watching the cars crash at the end of the Pinewood Derby track. If you look closely you can also see Grandma and Abbie in the background.

Conversations:
I was upstairs working on the remodel when JT runs up and gets my attention.
JT: Dad, I love you.
Me: Why thank you JT. That is very nice.
JT: Can I play Xbox now?

I am beginning to doubt his sincerity.

Moments with JT: The Dryer

Prior to church JT finds me and says his polo shirt is wrinkled. Not having time I suggest he throw it in the dryer for 10 minutes. About 10 minutes later I see JT pull his shirt out of the dryer.
Me: JT, did you actually turn the dryer on?
JT: No, I can’t reach the buttons.